Anticipate Holiday Pressure Points
For many the holiday season means schedules packed with preparations and events. This comes with unavoidable stressors no matter how carefully you communicate. While you cannot avoid all stressors, you can anticipate and plan for many.
- Step 1: Together, reflect on past holiday seasons. Identify two or three of the most likely pressure points that could erupt into conflict or isolation with your partner.
These often involve outside pressures that spill over into your relationship.
A couple Dennis works with named pressure from the husband’s family as a main stress point. - Step 2: Brainstorm with your partner what could help reduce pressure.
List ideas of what might protect the two of you from falling into a “demon dialogue” or cycle when the above pressures happen. - Step 3: Plan with your partner. First, pick several of the ideas from Step 2 that are most do-able. Then, decide when and how you will do them. Lastly, plan ways that you can kindly remind each other to use the plan.
Dennis’ couple above made three plans:
• First, when he feels the pressure, he’ll repeat a mantra. “I’m only responsible for my wife and kids.”
•Second, scheduling specific alone time and couple time each day.
•Third, “Can we go for a walk?” was code for, “I’m feeling the pressure – please help me.”
Holidays bring stress no-one could have predicted. Yet, we can anticipate many holiday pressure points. This season work with your partner to reflect & identify, brainstorm, and plan for the likely stressors.